I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
