By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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