just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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