May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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