The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
