shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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