I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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