Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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