i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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