john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
