mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
