On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
