Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
