Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize