I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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