I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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