If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
