If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
