Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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