Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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