i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
