im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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