last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
