so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
