My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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