office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
