I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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