I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
