the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
