i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
