last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
