i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
