I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
