she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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