I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
