Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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