i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
