here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
