That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
