the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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