Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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