Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
