is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
a search helicopter?!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
