For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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