onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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