put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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