i always forget guys have bellybuttons
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
