I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
