About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
