how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
