Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
