How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I wear drunk well.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
