So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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