Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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