There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she smelled like a LAN party
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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