I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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