I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
People in love make me want to vomit
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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