Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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