I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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