the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
