Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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