we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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