im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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