Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
