just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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