some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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