his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
