I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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