Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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