so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
