She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
