oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
